Tuesday, September 11, 2012

I'm SURE He Didn't Mean it Like He Said It

Sometimes it seems like men have problems saying what they mean.  Or maybe it is more that they DO say what they mean to say, but they don't realize that it doesn't come off like they want it to.

Here are some examples of men speaking rather badly.  And not even realizing it.

Like my little brother Bryan, for instance.  My sister-in-law Sarah, who was pregnant with their first baby, had spent a good part of the prior night at the Emergency Room. Later that day she was picking up around the house, when she picked up Bryan's little bar bells.  As she was putting them on top of the gun safe, Bryan ran in and said "Sarah!  What are you doing?? " Sarah immediately thought, "Oh no, the baby!" And Bryan stalked over, grabbed the bar bells off the top of the gun safe and said "You NEVER put metal on metal!!!"  

(In his defense, it was a new gun safe...)

Another time we were visiting them when the kids were little and I was telling Bryan how Josh saw me in the dressing room with a swim suit on and he said that I looked like a sumo wrestler.  Bryan gallantly said "you don't look like a sumo wrestler!!  Not professional weight anyway..."

(I debated smacking him upside his head, but remembering that Bryan will cheerfully tell you he is trained to kill you nine ways with just using his thumb, I figured that one day he'll have kids and I'll get my revenge then.)

And then there was the older couple we knew on the Eastern Shore right after we got married.  While she was going thru a long painful labor, he husband kept urging her to watch the Batman reruns that he was watching, because it would get her mind right off  labor.  And then during her c-section he looked at the incision and excitedly told her that she should really see this - who knew she had so much fat??  

(She always mused that it was a good thing that she was strapped down...)

All this brings me to my darling husband who was on some kind of roll a couple of weeks ago.  I was worried about what kind of shoes to wear for the wedding and Larry said comfortingly, "Oh Honey, you should just wear those cute keds and socks you wore to Leah's wedding!  You came out on that dance floor and everybody just knew that there was a grandma in the house." Uh, WHAT??  

(I immediately started looking at 3 inch heels and planning my speech to get pain pills.)

And the day we were at Costco getting the mums for Mary's wedding...   My hair was really curly that day and Larry looked down at me, patted my curls and said  "Your hair is so curly!  You look just like Robert Plant."  ROBERT PLANT??  That guy from Led Zeppelin??  The guy who did that snooze of an album with that country chick??  

( I immediately made plans to get my entire FACE waxed, invest in a flat-iron, and get Audrey to teach me how to use said flat-iron.)

Apparently, I look like a grandmotherly aging male rock star to my husband.

But hey, at least he loves me.

Robert Plant.  I just don't see it.

Buy this album only if you are having trouble sleeping....

1 comment:

  1. Oh it's a good thing clubs and other blunt instruments are not readily available or we would have to wipe up all the brain matter off the floor......