Sunday, May 19, 2013

Electronic Family

Me on Facebook:

Old guys hitting the Nats game!!! Larry, Larry H. (Mary's dad in law) and my dad! My dad is visiting and getting a little difficult. Old age is so sad. So when I found myself eating grey and neves mac and cheese LIKE IT WAS MY JOB I decided that MAYBE I'm a little stressed, so I went hunting for Audrey to find my Xanax....
Pretty soon after that my friend Sue called - she was in Savannah upon the occasion of her brand new grandaughter Matilda's arrival.
She said that Mandy (her daughter-in-law) had read my post and that Mandy thought that I needed to talk to Sue. 
So Sue put down the baby and gave me a call.
And that made my day.
Thank you, Sue for calling me.
And thank you, Mandy for reading between the lines. 
(And I have to assume that after Sue put the phone down she immediately picked the baby back up!!)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Conversations with the Grandkids

Yesterday Grey and Neve were very talkative in the various cars they were carted around in.

Mother's Day.

Grey to Shayne:  I think that you need to give Mimi a Mother's Day present, since she used to be your mommy when you were little.
Shayne: You'd think she'd like that?
Grey:  Yeah.  Since she used to be your mommy. 

Barbies and a Wazoo.

Neve to Larry: Poppop, Mommy says I can't have any more Barbies.
Larry:  Really?
Neve:  And I can't bring any more Barbies to my house either.
Larry:  Why not?
Neve:  Because I have Barbies coming out my wazoo!!
Larry:  What's a Wazoo?
Grey:  I don't know.  But I think that it's a very special place.

Scotty Jane - an increasingly unwilling captive.

Friday, May 10, 2013

With Apologies to Monty Python

 [clop clop]
  ARTHUR:  Halt!  Hallo!  Hallo!
  GUARD:  'Allo!  Who is zis?

  ARTHUR:  It is King Arthur, and these are the Knights of the Round
      Table.  Who's castle is this?
  GUARD:  This is the castle of Our Master Ruiz' de lu la Ramper (sp?)
  ARTHUR:  Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God
      with a sacred quest.  If he will give us food and shelter for the
      night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
  GUARD:  Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen...
      Uh, he's already got one, you see?

  ARTHUR:  What?
  GALAHAD:  He says they've already got one!
  ARTHUR:  Are you sure he's got one?
  GUARD:  Oh, yes, it's very nice-a [To Other Guards]  I told him we already got one.
  OTHER GUARDS: [Laughing]

  ARTHUR:  Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
  GUARD:  Of course not!  You are English types-a!
  ARTHUR:  Well, what are you then?
  GUARD:  I'm French!  Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you
      silly king!
  GALAHAD:  What are you doing in England?
  GUARD:  Mind your own business!

  ARTHUR:  If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle
      by force!
  GUARD:  You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!  Go and boil your
      bottoms, sons of a silly person.  I blow my nose at you, so-called
      Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets.  Thppppt!

  GALAHAD:  What a strange person.
  ARTHUR:  Now look here, my good man!
  GUARD:  I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal
      food trough whopper!  I fart in your general direction!  You mother
      was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries.
  GALAHAD:  Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
  GUARD:  No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
  ARTHUR:  Now, this is your last chance.  I've been more than reasonable.

  GUARD:  (Fetchez la vache.)
  GUARD:  (Fetchez la vache!)
  ARTHUR:  If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--
      Jesus Christ!
      Right!  Charge!
  ALL: Charge!
  GUARD:  Ah, this one is for your mother!
  ALL:  Run away!
  GUARD:  Thpppt!
  LAUNCELOT:  Fiends!  I'll tear them apart!
  ARTHUR:  No no, no.
  BEDEMIR:  Sir!  I have a plan, sir.


      [rumble rumble squeak]
  MUTTERING GUARDS:  ce labon a bunny do
      un cadeau?
      a present!
      oh, un cadeau.
      oui oui hurry!
      let's go!
      [rumble rumble squeak]

  ARTHUR:  What happens now?
  BEDEMIR:  Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall,
      and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise --
      not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
  ARTHUR:  Who leaps out?
  BEDEMIR:  Uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I.  Uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh
      and uh....
  ARTHUR:  Oh....
  BEDEMIR:  Oh....  Um, l-look, if we built this large wooden badger--
  ALL:  Run away!  Run away!  Run away!  Run away!
  GUARDS:  Oh, haw haw haw.