Friday, June 21, 2013

Electronic Family

Receptionist: Analytic Services, how may I direct your call?

Me:  I'd like to speak to Mary Turner, please.

Receptionist: (a little confused) To who...??

Me:  Mary Turner, please.

Receptionist:  (More confused)  Um, we have a Larry Turner here...

Me:  Oh. Oh, yeah.  I'd like to speak to Mary Hartbarger, please.

Receptionist:  Oh, ok no problem.

How soon we forget.....

Pretty baby....

Friday, June 14, 2013

Our Daughters, Our Fashion Consultants

Mary and Audrey have always taken a keen interest in the various fashions that Larry and I have attired ourselves in throughout the years.

budding fashionistas even then...

Larry, being in the military, generally went by unscathed - even though there a couple of times that they felt that the Army could've used a good talking to.

But there was the time that they put their collective feet down and confronted Larry.  They planned it very carefully, first by asking to borrow my JC Penneys card.  "Why?" I innocently asked.  "You'll see", they grimly replied. 
They came in a couple of hours later with stuffed shopping bags and asked Larry and me to come into the room.

"Dad", they said, "You HAVE to stop wearing your shorts.  They are toooo short and we are sooo embarrassed and MOM we CAN'T believe you let him out of the house wearing those awful things!!"
"Whaaat?" I said.
"Well, what am I supposed to wear??" Larry said.
"These" they said as they dug through the bags til they found the one pair of shorts that they had purchased for him.  "These are appropriate."  And so Larry changed his style of summer wear.

OK, Maybe they were a little bit too short....

I haven't been that fortunate.  Especially as Mary and Audrey got older.

There is a certain rise of an eyebrow, a little shake to the head, a purse to the lips.  And if I still am not aware of how inappropriate I look they murmur "Did you get that from Patsy's closet?"

(Years ago I had a friend named Patsy who loved animal prints and lots and lots of gold and sparkly outfits.) 

So today it was just natural that I go downstairs and ask Audrey if it would look ok if I just ran down to the BP to buy a bottle of water in my dark jammie pants and tie-dyed t-shirt* and crocs.  "I'll even brush my hair", I added hopefully.

"Don't brush your hair, it'll look like you are trying too hard", she instructed.  "And hurry back, I'm running late for work!"

So away I went, comfortable in the fact that I had passed the out-in-public-appropriately-dressed-test. 

Not at all thinking about the fact that Audrey had to leave in ten minutes in MY car and that I could've gone to the BP naked  as long as my car was back in ten.

* and by tie-dyed, I of course mean an expensive dark long sleeved t-shirt that I planned to build  my winter wardrobe around that accidentally got tossed into the bleach load.

My Most Important Purchase This Week

Yes, it has been a week of spending dangerously.

 Our hot water heater rusted out and died.  We bought a new one.

Then our fridge's motherboard fried.  We bought a new one.

Then, just for fun, our printer went out.  We bought a new one.

So after buying all those lovely things, I went out and did a little bit of personal buying.

Yes, it was my most important purchase this week.

Actually, my local Wegman's didn't carry BenjaminPort, so I got a different brand which is not at all the same. (I poured it into this bottle - MUCH prettier!) I 've had this bottle for so many years that I don't remember where I got it.  If anyone comes upon Benjamin Port, let me know. Thanks! 

Saturday, June 8, 2013

I Have a Shelf Life

On the way to school this morning, Neve asked Shayne if she could call me granny.  Shayne said he didn't think so.  Well, how about grandma?  Or how about Grammy?  Shayne told her that Grammy was was what he called his grandmother and that she was a real special lady.  Then the conversation really got started -

Neve:  Well, where is your grammy?

Shayne:  She passed away.

Neve:  Did she die-ded?

Shayne: Yes.

Neve:  Is Mimi going to die?

Shayne: Not for a long time.

Grey:  Yeah Neve, Mimi isn't going to die until I am 10.

(By this time they were, I swear to God, passing a cemetery)

Grey: Hey Daddy, is your grammy over there in one of those pits?

Shayne: WHAT? Oh, wait Grey, those are called graves.  And no she's not there.  She donated her body to science.

Neve: Why?

Grey:  (excitedly) So they could do experiments on her?

Neve:  Daddy, when is Mimi going to die?


 It appears that I have a shelf life of about 37 more months.

I've got a lot of stuff to do.  I need to get some bills paid, clear out the clutter and spruce this place up!!

I mean, I don't think that Larry will bring a date to my funeral, but he has assured me that life does go on and he plans to marry again.

(Our family joke is that he will take some of my fabric stash and hang out beside a quilting circle --Hey look ladies - I have my original hair and teeth and LOTS of fabric.....)

(It is much harder on the ladies left behind - If Larry goes first, I plan to get another cat.)

So, as Shayne said yesterday, Mom, it is time to get out that old bucket list!

And the first thing on it is


I mean....37 months goes by pretty quick and I still have stuff from Mary's wedding to put away!

But first, I need to go to the Nationals game.

Priorities, you know.....

The new one had better like baseball....

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

It's Wednesday - Lonely Days

So after listening to "One Bad Apple" yesterday, I couldn't help but think about the BeeGees and their song "Lonely Days".  

Larry and I were talking about buying "singles" or 45's and how much they cost.  Funny, I can't remember half the words in my vocabulary, but I can remember that "Lonely Days" and "One Bad Apple" and other assorted singles cost $0.79.  Seventy-nine cents.  And you got two songs!  Albums were $2.98.  Pretty hefty money for a teenager back then.  I baby-sat a WHOLE bunch of bratty kids to pay for my music habit!!

(Larry said that his first album was purchased with a gift certificate that he won for the having the best costume in The Mikado.  - The picture is somewhere upstairs but I love Larry too much to share it.*  His first album, by the way, was Harmony by Three Dog Night.  We still have it.)

So here it is!!  Lonely Days by the BeeGees!!!

Happy Wednesday!!  Enjoy!!

*And I looked but Larry has hidden it again...

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

One Bad Apple?

We have a little problem here....

Saturday, we went to the fridge to grab some carrots for Brumbie, and the baby carrots had expired.  In April.  The other ones were nearly frozen.

Sunday I went to get a handful of grapes, and well, lets not go there.

Monday the metro was mostly broken and traffic sucked so Larry and I sat out rush hour(s) at Hard Times.  
But later, when I went to take a sip of the bottle of Port on my bedside table, my God, the bottle was empty!!  
(I don't drink a lot, but occasionally I like a sip of Port at bedtime.  In my defense, the bottle was 3 years old...)

Tonite I went to make sausage and potato soup.  How difficult could that be?  Let me tell you...

I browned the sausage with chopped onions, but it smelled kind of funny.  I checked the wrapper and it had expired mid May!  Who even KNEW that sausage expired?

The milk (what there was of it) had a sell by date of June 2.  I figured that I had a few days leeway with that.

The celery - there was no celery.

We found some frozen thin sliced ham, so I sliced it up and frizzled it in some butter , so we were good there.

And the potatoes.  The potatoes.

All but 5 looked like a science experiment.  Which started me thinking - One Bad Apple?  One Bad Potato?

Then I stared thinking about the Osmonds and how One Bad Apple was the 2nd "Pop" 45 I ever bought.  (Lonely Days by the BeeGees was the first).

So I looked it up  and I am going to try to share it with you - 

So watch this and if you are slightly older like me, you'll get a nice little taste of nostalgia.  And if you are younger than me you'll shake your head in wonder at the stuff we used to listen to.

AND if you happen to see the Grocery Fairy please tell her that she missed us the last go 'round and before she comes next time, could she kindly swing by the liquor store?

Momma misses her Port.