Saturday, June 30, 2012

Bringin' Sexy Back

Audrey and I were returning from a quick medicinal trip to IKEA and I was wondering outloud if the lifeguards would let me take my little hand weights into the pool.  

Auds:  I don't know....
Me:  Well, they let me wear my crocs in the pool.
Auds: Why do you wear crocs in the pool, mom???

Me:  The plastic grating on the bathroom floor hurts my feet so it is just easier to keep my crocs on.
Auds:  What about lake shoes??  That would be more elegant..
Me:  I wear a swimsuit with a skirt, Audrey.  I wear sunglasses that make me look like a blind James Earl Jones.  And lets not even talk about what my hair looks like.

Auds:  (musingly)  Yeah...Elegant...I guess that boat sailed awhile ago...

Have you ever listened to the words to Sexy Back?   Talk about your 50 Shades of Justin Timberlake.....

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Oh Richard Gere....

Last Friday morning when I finished sobbing my way thru Richard Gere in "Shall We Dance", I reflected on my nearly 40 years of obsessive love for Richard Gere.

yep, Let's dance!!  Sorry Larry!!!

I"ve been watching him in movies (and crying thru a lot of them) for years.  I have to admit that he sure does die a lot in the movies...There is not ONE time that I watch Sommersby and don't desperately hope that they will find a loophole and he'll get to live in the end.  And he never finds that loophole and Larry says, "Why are you crying?" and then he says, "oh, Sommersby."

We have had our ups and downs thru the years, but I still love him...

Even tho' Spence's partner Gary Morey came over to my house and saw my poster of Rich on my 'fridge and told me that he went to school with him and he was a wussie four eyed freak.

Didn't change things...

Even tho' He and Cindy Crawford ran that embarrassing ad in the paper in London assuring everyone that they weren't gay.

Hey, everyone does things that they aren't proud of...

Even tho' he got all political and stuff and got banned from the Oscars....

It's a phase, I'm sure...

And even tho' he knocked up and married that weird lawyer from Law and Order and they bought that Bed and Breakfast and Restaurant in NY state that I was really excited about until I read all the questionable reviews...

At least he's still pretty....

So here's to Richard Gere.  Keep making those movies that make me cry and I will keep ignoring the fact that you have a personal life....

The Actual poster that Gary made fun of....

Oh Dear Lord

My prayer last night....

Oh Lord,
Please forgive me my sins and help me to be better.
Please watch over my husband and my children and our scattered families and keep them safe.
Please help me to be patient with my dad.
Please help me to forget what I saw on Facebook today.
Audrey says it will just cause hurt if I say anything.
Larry says that it has been causing trouble for years and it is time to let it go.
I ran a few smart-assed replies by my friend Sue and we snickered and agreed that it would be best not to say anything.
Thank You for sending me guardians who help me watch my mouth.
As You know, sometimes I just can't help myself.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Wait a Minute!

Last week I was driving around with Neve in the backseat.
Neve: "mimi. I need your cell phone!"
Me: "Why?"  (As I am handing it back to her.)
Neve: "I need to check my email."
Me: "Ok."


She knows that I don't get the internet on my cell phone....

Neve's a busy girl.  She needs to keep up!!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

The Last Time Larry Lost His Keys

The last time Larry lost his keys we were in Germany.  We lived in a fourth floor walk-up, but once you got up there it was worth all the stairs!  We had big rooms and lots of windows and beautiful wooden floors...

One afternoon Larry came bounding up the stairs and ran inside and said "I forgot my keys!!"  I turned around and looked at him and immediately felt glad that the kids were all down for naps because Larry was all done up in his battle gear...helmet, canteen, gun belt, actual pistol at his side...


I had never seen LT dressed up as GI Joe before and now I could understand why my Barbie dolls always skipped over Ken and went directly to my brother's military guys.

"So, what's your hurry???" I whispered seductively....

"The convoy's waiting for me downstairs!" he hurriedly said as he pecked me on the cheek and raced outside.

I looked out the window from the fourth floor and darned if there wasn't a line of trucks and jeeps and Larry streaking toward the jeep in the front.

Well, lightening never strikes twice and Larry never did come back home all gussied up for war again.

Too bad....

Here he is in Korea....

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Resisting Temptation...???

As I've pointed out before I am trying to be a better person.  I have little people watching me that just don't know any better.

When I was younger, I wasn't very good at resisting temptation.  I remember one banner WEEK when I was nine - I put a plastic spider in my new stepmom's chocolate pudding (hehe), then when we had a babysitter that I didn't care for, I dipped my hands nearly to the elbows in red tempra  paint and ran upstairs screaming that I'd cut my hands. (heeheehee).  While I was upstairs scrubbing my hands and arms, I saw the  bottle of Prell shampoo and remembered the 'drop a pearl in the bottle of Prell to see how thick and luxurious the shampoo is' commercial and I thought - well, why not - there was my new stepmom's pearl necklace and I was already in trouble....

Good Lord, my dad almost beat me to death.

And lately, I've again been facing a few moral dilemmas....  Let's see how you would handle these.

1)  My big cat Raliegh is a beautiful but very jumpy cat.  I mean, you can sometimes just move your foot and he trips all over himself trying to get away.  The other day I was folding laundry and Big R decided to check out the drier.  I was torn.  Should I....

 A)  Stay beside him so he won't be scared and let him look as long as he wants?

B)  Think to myself, Jesus, how long is it going to take that cat to get out of the drier, get bored and wander off until Raliegh climbs out?


C) Snicker to myself as I slowly shut the drier door with R-buddy still in there??

2) We bought a Barbie dressing table for Neve at a yard sale on Saturday.  It was only $5.00 and as we got out of the car she didn't ask for it so we left it in there. When we brought it up after Neve left, Audrey shuddered and said why is that god-awful thing???  (Just a bit of background here...When Miss Auds was 7 she swiped her brother's tape with all the Chucky movies on it and took it next door where she and her friend watched it even tho they were both forbidden to.)  Audrey has been afraid of dolls since.  So.. Should I...

A) Put the doll table out on the curb?  It only cost $5.00 and Neve doesn't remember that it is here.  Audrey would feel so much better.

B) Put the doll table in the car and take it to Neve's house?  I mean, it costs $5.00!! And Audrey should get over herself.


C)  Figure out how to twist the doll's head off the table, assure Audrey that is it long gone, then sneak it into her room one night whilst she is sleeping and leave the doll on her pillow?


3)  When Larry and I go to a Sunday game at the Nationals, I always get a chili mac or a chili frito pie at Glory Days, grab a table and two chairs, and then I have about 45 minutes to myself while Larry is out in the hot sun getting his hat autographed by random Nationals team members.  I always bring my budget book, and the paper and my Kindle.  Should I...

A) Be virtuous and work on my budget?  Maybe work up a menu?

B) Learn more about the world and study the Sunday paper?


C) Say screw it and just go ahead and read 50 Shades of Grey???  um..again...

See my dilemmas??

(By the way, the answers are 1 -B, 2 -B, and 3 - C. <I can't be good ALL the time!!>)

Monday, June 4, 2012

More Conversations with the Grandkids

We had a busy weekend this weekend.

Neve decided to 'read' some of my vintage books: "Neve", I said, "which books are you reading?"  "The RED ones", she replied.

We were getting ready to head out to the Nationals Stadium and Neve came running, holding my mini pink Nationals bat. "Mimi!" She said breathlessly, "Don't forget your football bat!!"

We spent two and a half hours driving to the game in heavy pouring rain.  We were three blocks from the stadium when they cancelled the game.  We told the kids that we weren't going to go after all.  "But Mimi!!  I put on the T-Shirt!!"  Neve wailed.

Neve all Nat-ed up.

Since the game was shot we decided to go to Famous Daves.  On the way Grey informed us that while Neve could 'move like Jagger', he could (ahem) fart like Jagger.

It's true.  Neve is a whirling dervish.

The next morning Grey woke up out of a dead sleep, went into the hall and came back with two toy golf balls in his hands.  He then requested that Neve stop stealing his bowling balls.

Later we went to a couple of yard sales.  Neve scored a Hello Kitty magic wand.  We later heard Grey irritably tell Neve:  "Neve! Don't poof me into a frog when I am talking to you!!"

Words to live by.