I Want an Owl

I've decided that I want an Owl. 

I need an Owl.

I mentioned it to Audrey.  She said "And would you like to be whisked away to Hogwarts too?"

I mentioned it to my other children. Let's just say that I am sure if they keep making those faces that they are going to freeze like that.  And then where would they be?

I mentioned it to Lucy and Ellie.  They figured that if cat food is tasty - owl food could be even better!

I would've mentioned it to Larry but he is out of town at the moment.  But it's ok.  I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

Then I mentioned it to the cats.  They said "Owls??  Owls??  Baked or fried??"

Hmmmnnn....

I guess that some dreams are better left unrequited....

Owls...Yummmm....

Electronic Family

Audrey and I have a love/hate relationship with the movie "Stepmom".  We sit and get mad at the daughter actor - I mean who talks like that without getting smacked?  And we cry and cry. And we generally make the same remarks.

This morning I was flipping thru the channels and saw that Stepmom was playing and since it was about half way thru so I turned it on.  I figured it was safe.

I was by myself.

What a mistake.

I was sniffling as I texted Audrey - 

Me:  Stupid Stepmom movie.

Me:  We didn't sing and do choreographed dances enough as a family.  I hereby apologize.

Audrey:   I feel like you say that every time you watch Stepmom. ...we've forgiven you...as a family.  It's ok.

Me:  I want Susan Sarandon's wardrobe.  It's classic.

Me:  And her house too.

Me:  Thank you.  And the two of them riding that ONE horse in the snow??  Did they not watch The Horse Whisperer?

Audrey:  Apparently not...

Then we had to stop texting because she was at work and I couldn't see to text anymore because I was frankly sobbing by then.  

Stupid movie.....

Best-laid Plans...

Yesterday I hit the road to pick Larry up from the Metro.

The sun was shining and I was feeling good.

I picked up Larry and even tho he had to work an hour later than usual, we figured that we were up for some shopping.  So we made a plan....

 "We'll just run over to Costco on the way home and get a few things.  We'll pick up water and bleach and milk etc.  Then maybe swing by the Checkers drive thru and get a chili dog!"

Traffic was heavy and about and hour and a half later (or approximately 16 miles) we began to scale back our plans.

"We'll just go to Wegman's and get a little bit of water and some milk and save Costco for Saturday.  Maybe run by McDonalds and try out the new Mighty Wings and get a hamburger...."

Then about 45 minutes later (9 miles) we got on the exit to 29 and sat stock still for 10 minutes before we started c-r-e-e-p-i-n-g towards the bridge.

And we scaled our plans back even further....

We'll just run by the McDonalds drive-thru and then stop at the B.P. and grab a couple of big Aquafina's and that will hold us until tomorrow!"

Like I said...

Best-laid plans of mice and men often go astray....

* Not Actually yesterday's traffic - but close to it...

Momma Had a Girl

My mom loved getting her hair done.  She loved trying out different styles and colors.  And since mom got her hair done at least once a week, it was always a surprise to see what she had gotten done. She always came home relaxed.  And energized. And better able to face life.

I knew that Audrey had inherited that particular gene the first time I took her to a salon when she was about 9.  She settled into that  shampoo chair with a look of pure bliss on her face.  I sadly realized that I would never be able to trim those bangs again.

Nowadays, we have our hairdressers, or stylists, or beauticians.  Back in the day, my mom had a "girl".

The one that I remember best was named Sally.  Sally was married to a guy in my dad's Air Force unit, so mom and Sally were together for years.  They were friends in and out of the salon.

Mom didn't take us along with her very often - that was her adult time.  But when I could, I always loved to go along with her to her appointments.  I'd try to make myself small and be really quiet so that I could listen to the ladies talking.  After a while they'd forget that I was there and then things got interesting!!  
(We didn't have the Lifetime channel back then, so  a girl had to get her life lesson info any way she could!!)

It was also to my advantage to be still and quiet and as invisible as I could.  Then maybe mom would forget that she brought me in to get my hair cut too.  As a young girl in the '60's with thick frizzy naturally curly hair the best way to control my hair was to "thin" it.  With a razor.  And it hurt like hell so I'd always end up crying.  Very embarrassing.  And painful.  It could be why I didn't really start going to salons until I was a lot older.  And when I find one that can cut curly hair I tend to stay with them.

Nowadays, my girl is a guy named Brandon.  A real rock star of a guy who went to school with Audrey.  She sent me to him this spring with her credit card and said "Enjoy!"  And boy, did I!!

So I was feeling a bit low and in need of a change in June and I made a spur of the moment decision to go and get my hair "did".  I managed to get an appointment and started the 186 mile round trip to get my hair done and to get a little salve for my soul.

It was just what I needed.

In fact, I liked it sooo much that I tagged along with Audrey at her next appointment and had it cut again.

And here is the proof that my new hair cut was successful - 

Last Saturday, I was sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at nothing, miserable with a sinus infection and some new meds, I was still in my jammies, hadn't showered, in fact I had slept on the couch the night before as part of a sleepover with my grandbabies; yep, real Miss America material.

Larry walked by, kissed the top of my head and said, "I know that you feel rotten sweetie, but your hair looks really nice."

Wow.  Sweet.

An unsolicited atta-boy from my husband of 33 years.

Thank you Brandon!  My hair looks great.  And my soul was calmed. And I am better able to face life.

No wonder my mom loved her girls so much!

Conversations with the Grandkids

Neve found a key last week while she was rummaging around.  

A magical key???

"Mimi," she said, "What is this key for??"

Always with the questions....

"I don't know sweetie, maybe one of Poppop's old trucks or something.  What do you think?"

Neve is a great guesser

 "I think that it is for a castle.  I think that a princess dropped it and Poppop found it and she probably needs it back."

Princess Neve with a reluctant subject.....

I guess that Neve should know.  These princess types tend to think alike....

The Egg McSandwich

We got to bring over Neve on Thursday afternoon, which unfortunately meant that we had to get her up at 6am on Friday morning so that we could take Larry to the metro.

On the way home I asked her if she wanted something from McDonalds. 

"Sure Mimi, I'll have an Egg McSandwich."

An Egg McSandwich???

What the heck is that?

And, of course, I had staggered out of the house that morning without my cell phone, so I couldn't call Shayne and ask for an explanation.

As many of you know, I used to be a McDonalds manager.  Back in the '70's, when there weren't that many female managers.  As a matter of fact, I have an Associates Degree in Hamburgerology, so I figured that I could handle this.

The manager in me said "Get her an Egg McMuffin."

The grandmother in me said "But what if that's not right?"

So, I asked her - 

"Do you want a McGriddle with sausage? or bacon?"

"Nope, An Egg McSandwich."

"Do you want a biscuit with sausage? or bacon?"

"No Mimi. An Egg McSandwich."

So I ordered an Egg McMuffin meal with chocolate milk and just to be on the safe side, an order of Hotcakes and Sausage.

We got home and sure enough, it was the Egg McMuffin she was talking about.  She ate two bites of it, ate her hashbrown, drank the chocolate milk and was finished.  

We put the rest of it on the kitchen table in case she got hungry later.

Lucy, as it turned out, got hungry first and as near as we could tell, bribed a cat to knock it to the floor for her.

Next time, we will just have cereal.  

I am not up to these epic decisions at 6:30 in the morning....

Apparently, Lucy will eat an Egg McAnything

How to Nearly Have a Heart Attack on I-66

Larry is taking a weekly class at Andrews Air Force Base.  It makes for a REALLY long day for him, so I pick him up at the Pentagon and we go together.  He goes to class and I hang out at the commissary and then get a taco at the PX and read and breathe in the military life like it is a tonic.

Audrey, proud new renter of what we used to call Shayne and Jess's condo - which is now known as Audrey's condo*, decided to come along to play a game my daughters love called "Let's see if we can actually spend ALL of mom's checkbook at the commissary".

We did a pretty good job of it if I do say so myself and now I know that my baby won't starve....

AND we even got to play a bonus round - i.e. we had Larry's PX charge card and as the clerk was ringing us up I mentioned to Audrey that this was the reason that Larry was the only one who had a card for this account.... (Who knew that Audrey had a Martha Stewart addiction??)

So we crammed all of our purchases into Larry's little red Jetta, picked Larry up after his class was over and headed back to Manassas.

As we were nearing the rest stop I noticed in the rear view mirror that there was an idiot driving right on my bumper.

I even said "Look at that idiot right on my bumper!! I can't go any faster!  I am already going 70 miles an hour......"

That's when the blue lights started flashing.

That's pretty much when my heart palpitations started.

I pulled over on the shoulder and the cop whizzed on by.

Undoubtedly laughing his ass off.

By the way, did you know that that section of I-66 the speed limit is actually 55 miles per hour??

I am very aware of that now.....

I was hoping he'd have nice lady-like pink cuffs.....

*The formal name for the condo is "Shayne and Jess's old condo that Audrey is renting now and she can only have one cat and NO interior cat doors...."