Friday, May 10, 2013

With Apologies to Monty Python

 [clop clop]
  ARTHUR:  Halt!  Hallo!  Hallo!
  GUARD:  'Allo!  Who is zis?

  ARTHUR:  It is King Arthur, and these are the Knights of the Round
      Table.  Who's castle is this?
  GUARD:  This is the castle of Our Master Ruiz' de lu la Ramper (sp?)
  ARTHUR:  Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God
      with a sacred quest.  If he will give us food and shelter for the
      night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail.
  GUARD:  Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen...
      Uh, he's already got one, you see?

  ARTHUR:  What?
  GALAHAD:  He says they've already got one!
  ARTHUR:  Are you sure he's got one?
  GUARD:  Oh, yes, it's very nice-a [To Other Guards]  I told him we already got one.
  OTHER GUARDS: [Laughing]

  ARTHUR:  Well, um, can we come up and have a look?
  GUARD:  Of course not!  You are English types-a!
  ARTHUR:  Well, what are you then?
  GUARD:  I'm French!  Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you
      silly king!
  GALAHAD:  What are you doing in England?
  GUARD:  Mind your own business!

  ARTHUR:  If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle
      by force!
  GUARD:  You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!  Go and boil your
      bottoms, sons of a silly person.  I blow my nose at you, so-called
      Arthur-king, you and all your silly English kaniggets.  Thppppt!

  GALAHAD:  What a strange person.
  ARTHUR:  Now look here, my good man!
  GUARD:  I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal
      food trough whopper!  I fart in your general direction!  You mother
      was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries.
  GALAHAD:  Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
  GUARD:  No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!
  ARTHUR:  Now, this is your last chance.  I've been more than reasonable.

  GUARD:  (Fetchez la vache.)
  GUARD:  (Fetchez la vache!)
  ARTHUR:  If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall--
      Jesus Christ!
      Right!  Charge!
  ALL: Charge!
  GUARD:  Ah, this one is for your mother!
  ALL:  Run away!
  GUARD:  Thpppt!
  LAUNCELOT:  Fiends!  I'll tear them apart!
  ARTHUR:  No no, no.
  BEDEMIR:  Sir!  I have a plan, sir.


      [rumble rumble squeak]
  MUTTERING GUARDS:  ce labon a bunny do
      un cadeau?
      a present!
      oh, un cadeau.
      oui oui hurry!
      let's go!
      [rumble rumble squeak]

  ARTHUR:  What happens now?
  BEDEMIR:  Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I wait until nightfall,
      and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise --
      not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
  ARTHUR:  Who leaps out?
  BEDEMIR:  Uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I.  Uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh
      and uh....
  ARTHUR:  Oh....
  BEDEMIR:  Oh....  Um, l-look, if we built this large wooden badger--
  ALL:  Run away!  Run away!  Run away!  Run away!
  GUARDS:  Oh, haw haw haw.

1 comment:

  1. oh, gawd......I laughed so much is was disgusting........brought back so many memories......